I have a problem. It has affected me for some time and now I think it is about time I spoke openly about it.

I am addicted to calamari.

This addiction has taken many forms over the years. At first, i could only satisfy my cravings on the odd occasion when in a pub or restaurant with squid on the  menu. Then I discovered thjat Tesco sold packets of battered calamari, which I would nibble on on an almost daily basis, After moving to the East side of town this supply was suddenly cut off. It took me weeks to recover. But then I found a better source. My fishmongers sells cleaned, frozen squid tubes for a reasonable price and I will frequently be seen on a Saturday morning, queueing for the best part of half an hour just to get my hands on one of these bags.

It would appear that not everyone shares my passion for cephalopod. While popping into my fishmongers to buy a couple of swordfish steaks,  I saw three local school-girls gathered around the squid and octopus in the window, squealing and making yuck noises.  One of the fishmongers was watching and being quite noble in trying to educate them about where the squid came from and how you eat it. The kids weren’t paying much attention, prefering to dare each other to touch the tentacled monsters. Eventually one lived up to the challenge and gave the smallest squid a tiny prod

“Eeeergh!” they all squealed simultaneaously. The fishmonger didn’t look terribly pleased at this.

“Don’t touch them too much, darling,” he said. The girls didn’t listen and the bravest went in for a second prod. The fishmonger huffed and turned to deal with a customer with a particularly long order.  I felt really sorry for the guy and for the customer who would eventually end up with the squid.

“I wouldn’t do that,” I said, “I doubt they’re all properly dead. Maybe they bite!”

The three looked at with a mild uncertainty combined with the eyebrow raised, smirking disdain that is common to so many 13 year old girls, before turing back to the squid. By some quirk of fate (or more likely by the relentless prodding that it had been subjected to) one large squid slid forward off the pile and its tentacles flopped onto the ice at the front of the display. The girls screamed and pelted down Essex Road. The fishmonger turned around and looked confused.

“Where’d they go?”

I shrugged and ordered my swordfish.

Anyway, enough about the ‘youf’ of Islington. I love having squid in lots of different forms, stir fried in a Thai style dish and in a seafood paella  but I think there’s something especially satisfying about making deep fried squid rings. True, it does make my hair smell of oil and I’ve almost caused kitchen fires a couple of times but I think it’s worth it for the end result. My latest homemade calamari was inspired by my favourite local gastropub, which I promise to review soon.  My squid rings were dipped in a light tempura batte with added lime zest and crushed chilli flakes. I accompanied them with some noodles stir fried with ginger and coriander and some crudites with wasabi mayonnaise. The wasabi was made with a tub of powder which I’d bought at Whole Foods.

After reading the instructions on how to make wasabi paste, I doubled the quantities of powder because I assumed that the recipe would be too conservative for me. I tasted it to see if it was strong enough.

Fifteen minutes later, when my nose had stopped bleeding, I binned that batch of wasabi mayo and made another, this time paying attention to the instructions on the pack.

Lime and Chilli Calamari and Sweet Chilli Sauce

For the Sauce

• juice from a small tin of pineapples (150ml)
• 3 tsp sugar dissolved in 100 ml water
• 1/2 level tbsp tomato puree
• 2-3 capfuls white wine vinegar
• 1 large red chilli, chopped very finely
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• dash chilli oil
• up to 2 tbsp cornflour paste (2 tbsp flour with just enough water to make it into a paste)

1. Put the juice and sugared water into a small saucepan. Warm gently and stir until the sugar is totally dissolved.
2. Add the puree, garlic and the chillies, stir and allow to infuse for a few minutes
3. Add the flour paste a little at a time, stirring vigourously until you have a medium-thick sauce.
4. Trickle in the vinegar, tasting as you go along to make sure it doesn’t become too tart.
5. Finally, trickle in a tiny bit of chilli oil and stir until smooth.
6. Keep warm while you make the calamari and accompaniments 

For the Calamari 

• 2 medium squid tubes (around 200g each)
• 5 tablespoons corn flour
• chilled soda water
• zest and juice of two limes
• teaspoon of finely crushed chilli flakes
• oil for deep frying

1. Cut the squid tubes into rings, about 0.5cm thick. Toss in the lime juice and leave to marinade for around 15 minutes 
2. Make the batter. Put the flour in a small bowl and stir in the chilli and lime zest. Mix in the soda water a little at a time until you have a smooth batter with the consistency of double crream.
3. If you don’t have a deep fryer (I certainly don’t) Get a wide, deep  saucepan and fill it around half full with sunflower or vegetable oil. Heat this until the oil is very hot but not smoking. A good test is to chuck in a small piece of day old bread, which should brown in around 1 minute.
4. Have some kitchen paper ready (a plate covered with a layer of paper 3 sheets thick is what I use) for draining
5. Take 4 rings of squid,pat them dry with dome kitchen roll. Dip them in the batter and, use a wooden spoon to lower them into the hot oil. Be wary of spluttering, although this shouldn’t happen if the squid was dry before you battered it.
6. Use the wooden spoon to move the rings around gently until they are golden brown.
7. Use a slotted spoon to remove the squid from the pan and drain it on the kitchen paper.
8. Repeat with the rest of the squid, frying in small batches.

 *********************

Recipe Notes 

The squid is best served as soon as it is drained. Make the sauce and accompaniments first and keep them warm while you deep fry the squid. 

Citrus appears to tenderize squid. I don’t know why. Perhaps a food scientist would like to tell me? 

The colder the soda water, the thinner the batter. For the lightest tempura, use iced water.